What to do now?
Ever since that week that came straight out of hell (Journal – Week 27, June/July 2025), I’ve been struggling. I’ve shared some posts during the last few weeks, describing the struggles and emotions of getting through all the trauma, pain, and grief. And one thing is true for all of it: they will need patience, time, and support.
The world as I had known it for so long just changed so much. I was already unstable after the surgery and all, and I was in no way prepared to deal with having to say goodbye to Arwen. And this may sound selfish, but at the moment where I needed her most to help me cope with the anxiety, shock, and pain… Arwen needed me most to do right by her. I wasn’t selfish then, and I kept my promise to her, to never let her suffer. But a part of me was just so devastated, because I felt angry, just for a very short while, that she couldn’t keep going a bit longer for me… That thought came and went like a bolt of lightning strikes, but I’ve been feeling guilty ever since I had it. And now? Now I need to find a way to pick my life up again, to get back on track.
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