cyanide dansen<p>Yesterday <a href="https://rivals.space/tags/wednesdansen" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>wednesdansen</span></a> I caught up with Flopine at their La Fabrique à Cookie monthly event.</p><p>I have a few thoughts about my departure from online and irl <a href="https://rivals.space/tags/chiptune" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>chiptune</span></a> spaces.</p><p>As soon as I learned about abusive people and communities (sinecraft, keffie, james york, aquellex, saana, to only name a few because dear god the pit is bottomless), it keeps unraveling and you end up witnessing even more abuse, shitty behaviours, support for abusers, participation in online bullying and group rejoicing when the targets give up.<br>For me it culminated in 2020/2021 when defensemechanism spun from "ally" to an active defender of harassers, and several groups of chiptune people decided to attack me for "virtue signalling", "starting shit", "controlling a woke mob of purer-than-you goons" etc. Even though all I did was stand on the side of people who endured very serious IRL and online abuse from chiptune people, as well as witness racist, sexist, victim-blaming rants, death threats firsthand.</p><p>Since Infinite Lives and my online participation in Chipfest Cyberspace, I entirely left online chiptune spaces, because simply knowing how organised misogynists and bad faith actors is dizzying. You visualise the connections between each, you see how it forms a net, so it triggers either deep disappointment or full-blown panic attacks to simply recognise some names or faces.</p><p>This affected my use of social media altogether. Simply answering a message, even from a friend, is now a task that requires actual preparation and winding down afterwards. It's scary and exhausting because I miss out on many of their achievements, on their warmth, on invitations to hang out.</p><p>I'm trying to find a way to stay up to date and to answer my DMs, phonecalls, texts, letters. Getting diagnosed with PTSD was a big surprise to me, but seeing how much I struggle, I also thought "well I think they're onto something"</p><p>All this to say, the guy playing music at La Fabrique à Cookie that evening was Pouale, an ex whom I gave LSDJ ~10 years ago iirc, who got obsessed with defensemechanism, aquellex and other musicians from Sinecraft and similar groups with a pretentious and sapio approach to their music ; and pouale was/is an active participant in their violent rants, as well as making other communities forget about these ppl/these spaces' abuse.</p><p>I'll probably edit or delete this later because reminiscing about all this just made my years of therapy a waste of money just now lmao</p>